Monday, July 12, 2010



MUSIC IS MY BOYFRIEND



Me and music go way back.


It all started one snow-white Christmas- I believe it was the Christmas of '88. At 3 years old, I was given a kid-sized dinky baby grand. A great gift? Or torture for my parents? Depends on who you ask. My Dad, having been a die-hard home video-er, has my first magical musical moment caught on film. There I am, in all my glory (and possibly a dirty diaper?), banging away on the keys (that sound like they are made of tin) singing Do-a-Deer (or the closest possible version of it that I could muster...or yell, if you will). It shocks me that no one caught onto my passion for music until ten years later when I performed in the Jr High School play. But hey, juggling four kids can't be easy and if you saw this home video of Do-a-Dear, you'd probably doubt I had any musical talent what so ever.


Throughout my childhood, I had an insatiable need to sing. But the problem was that I refused to sing in front of anyone- including my family. So by the time that I was old enough to stay home alone when Mom ran to the store for milk, I'd sing my little butt off for those splendid 10-15 minutes. I could sing "Memories" from Cats like it was nobody's business. But I couldn't find the courage to sing for anyone, so my dream of being a singer would remain to be my little secret.


It wasn't only singing that captivated me- it was music in general. From the Sunday night DooWopShop on CBS FM to Z100's interactive 9 at 9, there was something about music that could hold my attention like nothing else.


I made a point of it to take a photograph in my mind of something very specific when I heard a song for the first time. Strange? Yeah, I'd say so. But to this day, the red Bell Tower on Sunrise highway in Massapequa reminds me of "This is the rhythm of the night....".


I hadn't studied music theory- there was no analysis of chords or rhythm that drew me in- and of course, like every girl, I did love to dance- but it wasn't the excitement of the music that attracted me either.


It was the words!

If you know me well, you know that I pretty much know the words to every song ever. Ok, that may be a gross exaggeration, but not really- If I hear a song once, I know the lyrics by heart. And as a kid, I LOVED to act- what better way than to act through a song? Every song had different emotion and attitude. Every song I heard, I could find a way to relate to and I could become a different character!

One fateful Friday evening when I was 12 years old, 20/20 was airing a show about a young girl who auditioned for Annie on Broadway- got the lead role and then never got to perform. Ok, that's a sad story for her, but it wasn't for me. I began singing "Tomorrow" and dreamed of the day that I would be little orphan Annie. Turns out, the Jr High School drama club was putting on a production of Annie and auditions were only a few weeks away.

So, I auditioned. And I got a call back. And then I auditioned again. And I got the part! My family was pretty stunned, considering they had never heard me sing before. And I kid you not, I made a point of it for them to not hear a peep of Annie until the night of the performance.

After that performance, my parents realized how serious I was about singing and I began studying with a local teacher. I wanted to be a Broadway star! But puberty came along and kicked my ass straight on into classical rep. Opera became my newfound passion, and I went on to study it intensely throughout college and well into my masters degree.

I always felt that I was destined to be a singer/song writer, and that somehow I took a detour and found myself playing pubescent young men on the big stage. Of course, I love opera- but there's something about a simple song that can really make my heart skip a beat.

As I grow older and hopefully wiser (that remains to be seen), I realize how deeply affected I am by music and how the music I listen to is a direct reflection of what I'm feeling, thinking and doing at the time. The ancient Greeks believed that music had certain affects on different types of the body and could possibly shape the personality of a child if they were exposed to it often enough. Think about it- if you heard music that seemed to be angry day after day after day, wouldn't you find yourself pissed off at some point?
As an angsty teen when I felt misunderstood and out of place, Fionna Apple, Tori Amos and the likes were the soundtrack of my tormented teen aged years. If I felt strong, I'd listen to some kick-ass Kelly Clarkson. If I felt happy, I'd listen to some Temptations or Billy Joel or Michael Buble. For every mood I've ever been in or find myself in now, I know exactly what kind of music to listen to- and to avoid.

Miss Fionna will always have a special place in my heart, because her music is so gut wrenching and her lyrics are clever and candid- but if I'm feeling low, I know to avoid her- or John Mayer for that matter- because their music will only allow me to indulge in my misery. When I'm missing College, I listen to the Beatles or Boston and let myself reminisce. When I'm feeling happiest (usually when summer is approaching/here), I tend to gravitate towards Kenny Chesney or Taylor Swift. Every song I've ever heard, be it old or new, I have a strong memory attached to and am easily taken back to the time that I heard it and what I was feeling.

Isn't that why we like the music that we like? Many people will say, "No, I just like it because it's good". Well, yeah, you can't argue with that. I mean, who wants to listen to something that they think sucks? But if you really think about it, you've emotionally attached yourself to certain songs, bands, or genres because you find them relatable and they conjur up different feelings or memories.

Maybe some people are more affected by music than others, maybe some people are more interested in music than others. But I believe that inside everybody is a little musician dying to be released. Some of us have been blessed with the gift of music, others have been blessed with other things. But one thing that no one can ever argue is that music is a huge and very important part of our lives. Be an active listener. Don't just hear the song- hear the words. Don't just sing along, but sing like you mean it! Let the memories come on a-rolling in. Let music take you back, let it take you forward, let it bring you into the present. How awesome does it feel when you wake up in the morning and you just happen to turn the radio on at the exact moment that your favorite song is playing? And how awesome is it that for those blissful 3 minutes, you could be a rock star? We've all got a song inside of us. Some of us can sing it, others should stick to singing it in the shower. But when we find a song that makes us feel alive, regardless of the emotions it triggers, isn't that awesome?

Music and I go way back, and I know we'll be together forever. Through every trial and tribulation and triumph, music has been there for me. Music lets me cry when I need a good cry, let's me celebrate when I need to celebrate. Music helps me remember, reminisce, release, express, dance, sleep, relax, and recharge. And whether your acutely aware or completely blind to this fact, music does the same for you. So turn up the volume and sing along and for just a moment, let yourself be nothing but beYOUtiful!